3 steps to creating your dream life, starting where you are
Anyone else obsessed with the “his and her” outfits?
3 steps to creating your dream life, starting where you are
When you imagine your dream life, what do you see?
Maybe you're living in a beautiful home, travelling whenever you feel like it, or spending your days doing work you absolutely love. Perhaps you've imagined moving somewhere new, starting your own business, or finally having enough money that you don't have to think twice before booking a vacation.
There's nothing wrong with wanting any of those things. But when we picture our dream lives, we often imagine a completely different set of circumstances from the ones we're living in now. And when those circumstances feel out of reach, it's easy to assume the life we really want will have to wait.
But what if you could start making your life more enjoyable and fulfilling without quitting your job, moving across the country, or winning the lottery? (Although I certainly wouldn't complain about that last one.)
Your dream life doesn't have to look particularly impressive to anyone else. It only has to be a life that you genuinely enjoy living. And creating it might be more achievable than you think.
1. Figure out what you want, not what you're supposed to want
We grow up surrounded by ideas about what a successful, happy life should look like. We're encouraged to get an education, find a good job, buy a home, build a family, and work toward a comfortable retirement. Along the way, we pick up countless other expectations about what we should accomplish, how we should spend our time, and what should make us happy.
There's nothing inherently wrong with any of those things. The problem comes when we pursue them without stopping to consider whether they're what we actually want.
For example, you might have spent years working toward a promotion because moving up in your career seemed like the obvious next step. But when you really think about it, you enjoy the work you're doing now and have no interest in managing people. What you actually want is more flexibility and time to spend with your family.
Or perhaps you've always imagined that travelling the world would be part of your dream life. But when you think about the vacations you've enjoyed most, they involved renting a quiet cabin, reading books, and spending time with someone you love.
Neither of those realizations means you've been doing life wrong. They simply mean you're beginning to recognize the difference between what sounds like a good life and what feels like a good life to you.
So, before you start setting goals or making plans, spend some time thinking about what you genuinely want.
Consider the different areas of your life, including your relationships, career, finances, health, home, and how you spend your free time. Which parts are you happy with? Which ones leave you feeling dissatisfied? Are there things you wish you had more time for? Are there responsibilities or commitments you would happily have less of?
Pay attention to the things you already enjoy, too. You might notice that you feel happiest when you're learning something new, spending an afternoon outdoors, creating something, or having an uninterrupted conversation with a friend. These everyday experiences can tell you a great deal about what matters to you.
If you're not sure where to begin, try my free interactive Life Audit. It walks you through different areas of your life and helps you identify where you're satisfied and where you might want to make changes.
You don't need to come away with a detailed vision of your future. For now, recognizing what you want more of, what you want less of, and what you already appreciate is a very good start.
2. Work with the life you have instead of trying to reinvent everything
Once you start identifying what you want, it's tempting to look at everything standing between you and that vision and feel frustrated.
You might want to travel more, but you have a mortgage and limited vacation time. You'd love to pursue a creative interest, but your evenings are already full of responsibilities. Maybe you want a different career, but you can't afford to walk away from your current income while you figure things out.
These are real considerations, and pretending they don't exist isn't particularly helpful. But there's a big difference between recognizing that you can't change everything right now and assuming you can't change anything.
Let's say you've realized that you want more freedom in your life. Your first thought might be that you need to become self-employed so you can control your own schedule. But starting a business would introduce financial uncertainty, additional responsibilities, and potentially longer working hours.
Before committing to such a significant change, it would be worth asking what freedom actually means to you. Do you want more control over when you work, the ability to take an occasional afternoon off, or simply fewer obligations filling your evenings and weekends?
Depending on your circumstances, you might be able to negotiate a more flexible schedule, reconsider some commitments, or establish better boundaries around your personal time. You may eventually decide that starting a business is exactly what you want, but you'll be making that decision with a better understanding of what you're hoping to achieve.
Of course, not every dream has a simpler alternative. Some changes require money, education, cooperation from other people, or circumstances that aren't entirely within your control.
That's where it helps to distinguish between what you can change now, what you can work toward, and what you may need to accept or work around for the time being.
For example, if your dream is to move closer to family but you can't afford to relocate right now, you might begin researching housing costs, considering employment options, and deciding what would need to happen financially. In the meantime, you could look for ways to spend more meaningful time together, even if that means planning visits or making regular video calls.
The immediate changes won't replace the bigger goal, but they can make your current circumstances more satisfying while you work toward it.
And don't forget to consider what's already working. You may love your neighbourhood, enjoy your friendships, or appreciate the stability your current job provides. Those are things worth protecting as you make decisions about what comes next.
Take a look at the life you're living now. What would you like to keep? What could you change relatively easily? And which dreams deserve a longer-term plan?
You might discover that some of the things you want are already within reach, while others simply need more time and preparation.
3. Start living parts of your dream life now
One of the easiest traps to fall into is believing that you'll start enjoying your life once you've accomplished something.
You'll have more fun when you've paid off your debts. You'll spend more time with your family when work settles down. You'll pursue your interests when the kids are older, when you retire, or when you finally have enough free time.
“There’s a big difference between recognizing that you can’t change everything right now and assuming you can’t change anything.”
Some goals genuinely require patience and preparation. But if everything that makes life enjoyable is waiting on the other side of a future achievement, you could spend an awful lot of time waiting.
Instead, think about the experiences you want your dream life to include and whether you could begin enjoying some version of them now.
Suppose you've always dreamed of being a writer. You imagine having a quiet office, a published book, and hours of uninterrupted time to work on your next story. Those things might be wonderful, but you don't need any of them to begin writing. You could start by setting aside half an hour each weekend to work on something that interests you.
Or maybe you dream of a life filled with travel and adventure. An international trip might not be possible right now, but exploring a nearby town, visiting a museum, or taking a day trip somewhere you've never been could give you some of the experiences you're looking for.
Starting small also gives you an opportunity to discover whether the things you've been dreaming about are actually as enjoyable as you imagined.
Perhaps you try a creative hobby you've admired for years and realize you don't particularly enjoy doing it. Or you finally take that weekend trip you've been dreaming about and discover that you'd rather spend your time exploring busy cities than relaxing somewhere quiet.
That's useful information! You haven't wasted your time. You've learned something about yourself that can help you make better choices going forward.
This is why I encourage people to experiment before making big commitments whenever possible. If you're considering a career change, explore what the work is actually like before investing in an expensive education. If you're thinking about moving somewhere new, spend time there and see how it feels. Trying things on a smaller scale can help you decide whether they're worth pursuing further.
And remember, not every interest has to lead to something bigger. You don't have to turn an enjoyable hobby into a business, become an expert at everything you try, or justify your interests by making them productive. Sometimes doing something simply because you enjoy it is reason enough.
Choose one thing you'd like more of in your life and find a manageable way to experience it. Give it a try, pay attention to how you feel about it, and decide whether it's something you want to continue.
Your dream life will probably change, and that's okay
The life you wanted ten years ago might look very different from the one you want today. Your interests change, your priorities shift, and circumstances introduce possibilities you may never have considered.
You can achieve a goal you've worked toward for years and discover that something else has become more important to you. You can also decide that certain parts of your life are exactly how you want them and leave them alone.
That's why creating your dream life shouldn't be treated as a project with a fixed finish line. As you experience new things and learn more about yourself, you can reconsider what you want and make adjustments along the way.
So, what would make your life feel a little more like the one you want to be living?
You don't need to have all the answers today, and you certainly don't have to change everything. Start with what matters to you and make one thoughtful choice about what comes next.
Michelle Arseneault is a certified life coach and instructional designer who loves helping women understand why life feels harder than it needs to, and what to do about it.
“I believe small, thoughtful changes usually have a bigger impact than dramatic overhauls. Around here, you'll usually find me exploring the psychology behind everyday life, creating practical tools, or asking questions that help you see things from a new angle.”
You might also like…
Ever feel like you have no choice but to accept things as they are? Intentional living starts with recognizing the influence you have over your life, even when your options aren't particularly appealing. Here's how to begin.