Be intentional about who gets your time and energy
Stop! You’re going to make her pee!
It’s a good sign when your people make you laugh that hard.
But here’s the thing: not every relationship gives you that kind of joy, and some quietly drain your time, your peace, or your confidence. That’s why being intentional about who gets your energy isn’t rude or selfish. It’s necessary.
Let’s dig into how you can show up for the right people, build better connections, and reclaim your time from the ones that leave you feeling “meh” (or worse).
Who’s getting your energy, and who should be?
Think about last week. Who got the bulk of your time and attention?
Work?
Your kids?
The family group chat that never ends?
A friend you don’t really connect with anymore, but feel guilty ignoring?
Now think about who you wanted to spend more time or care on. Was there a gap?
That gap is where you start. Not with feeling guilty, but with intention.
Why taking charge of your relationships matters
Relationships shape your days and your well-being. When your time goes to people who criticize, drain, or ignore you, it takes a toll. But when you build a circle that lifts you up, cheers you on, and checks in “just because”? Life gets easier to carry.
You don’t need dozens of relationships. Just a few solid ones that feel mutual and real.
Being intentional about your connections means choosing who sits front row in your life and being willing to rearrange the seating chart when needed.
How to be intentional about your relationships today
Step 1: Talk it out (and listen, too)
Why it matters
Communication isn’t just about chatting. It’s how we build trust. Misunderstandings are a part of that. Skipping hard conversations to “keep the peace” usually just builds resentment instead.
What to try:
Be honest, even when it feels awkward.
Listen without interrupting or rehearsing your reply.
When something feels off, say, “Can we talk about something that’s been on my mind?”
Ask what the other person needs and share what you need, too.
Think about it
What’s one thing you’ve been holding back from saying to someone you care about?
Step 2: Make time for the people who matter
Why it matters
People don’t feel valued because you think about them. They feel valued when you show up for them.
What to try:
Choose one person and plan something low-key: a walk, a call, a coffee.
Set a reminder to check in regularly.
Put the phone down when you’re together.
Use your “scroll time” to send a thoughtful message instead.
Think about it
Who do you keep meaning to reach out to but haven’t? What’s one small way you could reconnect?
Step 3: Handle conflicts with kindness (even if you’d rather not)
You can tell he's dying to know what the therapist is writing in her notes.
Why it matters
Conflict is normal. It’s how you handle it that makes the difference. You can disagree and still be respectful. You can be hurt and still choose kindness.
What to try:
Stay calm. You don’t have to match someone else’s tone.
Focus on solutions instead of blame.
Use “I” statements instead of accusations.
Apologize when you mess up, even if it’s uncomfortable.
Think about it
What’s a relationship you have where conflict tends to repeat? Could you change the pattern? What would a calmer response look like next time?
Common challenges that let you know you need to take charge
Challenge 1: Busy schedules
Real-life example
You haven’t seen your best friend in months, and you keep texting, “We need to catch up soon!” but it never happens. Life’s full, and the calendar’s always packed.
Solution: Make relationships a priority by actually scheduling time for them. A quick check-in or a standing coffee date can keep connections strong, even when life gets hectic. Think of it as a meeting for your happiness. Hard to skip that, right? And if even that is hard to make time for, simply sending a text says, "I'm thinking about you."
Try this:
Set a recurring check-in: a monthly call, a Saturday walk, even a shared playlist to trade songs.
Send a “thinking of you” voice note today (instead of waiting for the perfect time).
Remember: it doesn’t have to be big. It just has to be something.
Challenge 2: Miscommunication
Real-life example
You assumed they were mad. They assumed you were avoiding them. Turns out, neither was true. You both just didn’t speak up.
Solution: Practice active listening (aka, don’t just wait for your turn to talk). If something they said isn’t clear, ask about it. You’ll save yourself a ton of time in “Wait, that’s not what I meant.” territory.
Try this:
If something feels off, ask.
Clarify instead of guessing.
Say, “I want to make sure I understand what you meant,” before jumping to conclusions.
A 60-second check-in can save a 3-week misunderstanding.
Who’s in your front row?
Picture your time and energy as seats in a theater. The front row is for your most important people, the ones who bring out your best and make you feel safe to be yourself.
Ask yourself:
Who’s sitting front row right now?
Who’s earned that spot?
Who needs to be moved back a few rows or maybe out of the room entirely?
You’re not being harsh, you’re being honest. And it’s how you protect your peace.
The perks of investing in your relationships
Short-term benefits:
Better mood and less stress (fewer “Why didn’t they text me back?” moments)
More support and connection
More joy in the everyday stuff
Long-term benefits:
Strong, reliable relationships that can weather the storms
A support network that’s got your back
A happier, more fulfilling life overall
Building and maintaining meaningful relationships is one of the best things you can do for a happy life. When you communicate openly, spend quality time, and handle conflicts with kindness, you’re setting yourself up for connections that last.
Remember, relationships are a two-way street, and they need consistent effort. But the rewards? Worth every bit of effort.
Want more support in this area?
Explore our Relationships HUB to reflect, take action, and grab tools designed to help you build and maintain healthy relationships with family, friends, and other important people.
What’s one thing you can do today to strengthen your most important relationship? Drop it in the comments.
New around here? Welcome.
I’m Michelle, a life coach, course creator, and recovering overachiever who finally got tired of chasing the wrong version of success. I don’t believe in perfect lives. I believe in intentional ones.
I started Intendify Your Life to help people stop living for everyone else and start building a life that feels like home.
Warning: I’m a little blunt, a little nerdy, and wildly in favor of tough love and bold decisions.
Want to know the whole story? Start here.
At Intendify, we break life down into 12 key areas and offer guided paths to help you reflect, plan, and take action—so you can start living more intentionally, one step at a time.
It’s like having a life coach in your pocket, minus the awkward eye contact.
The Relationships life area helps you build, repair, and protect your connections, without losing yourself.
