You don’t have to make the most of every vacation
This looks so peaceful. I wonder if there are blueberries nearby…
There are these dome-like cabins just outside Saint John, New Brunswick, that Todd and I have been talking about booking for a while. They’re tucked away in the woods, surrounded by trees, and every time I see them, I think the same thing: I want to go there in the winter. Ideally when there’s a ridiculous amount of snow in the forecast.
Because Todd's and my idea of a really good getaway is apparently getting snowed into a cabin together for three or four days.
We’re not particularly interested in luxury hotels. We don’t need a long list of attractions to visit or restaurants we absolutely have to try. Give us a quiet cabin, some food, a couple of games, maybe a hot tub, and absolutely nowhere we need to be, and we’re pretty happy.
There’s probably a reason for that.
Sometimes the trip you love has nothing to do with the destination
When Todd and I were first starting to fall in love, before we were actually dating, we went away with friends and ended up more or less snowed in together.
I don’t think either of us consciously decided afterward that being snowed in should become our preferred vacation style. But all these years later, there’s still something about the idea that appeals to both of us. I think it's all about the quiet, having zero obligations, and not having to rush around. Just being together with no distractions sounds amazing.
“You don’t have to make the most of every minute. You just have to know what you want those minutes to give you.”
And I think that's worth paying attention to, because we tend to talk about travel in terms of destinations and things to do.
Think about what happens when you tell someone you're going on vacation. They want to know where you're going, of course, but then come all the other questions. What are you going to see while you're there? Have you booked any activities? Are there any restaurants you want to try? What do you have planned?
They're perfectly normal questions, but there's an assumption tucked inside them that a good vacation involves doing things. And if you're only going to be there for a few days, you'd better make the most of it.
Except I'm not sure "making the most of it" always means doing more.
Vacations can become another thing to accomplish
If you've spent hundreds or thousands of dollars on a trip, it makes sense that you don't want to waste it. You've probably also used vacation days, arranged for someone to look after the dog, packed half your bathroom into a suitcase, and spent an alarming amount of time comparing accommodations.
So you arrive thinking, We're here. Let's make this count. That's how you end up with three attractions, two restaurant reservations, a walking tour and a museum planned for Tuesday.
There’s nothing wrong with that if you genuinely love travelling that way. Some people come alive when they're exploring somewhere new from breakfast until bedtime. But if you come home needing a vacation from your vacation, it might be worth asking whether you were actually travelling the way you wanted to, or simply trying to make sure you didn't waste the opportunity.
Because doing less doesn't automatically mean you've wasted anything.
Decide what you want the trip to give you
Before you start thinking about everything you could do on a trip, try asking yourself a different question:
What do I want this trip to give me?
Maybe you want adventure. You want to go somewhere you've never been, try things you've never tried, and come home with stories. Maybe you want to experience another culture. You want to wander through neighborhoods, eat local food, visit museums, and learn about the people who live there. Maybe you want to reconnect with someone you love. Maybe you are exhausted and what you really want is seven glorious days during which nobody expects anything from you.
Those are very different trips.
And once you know what you're actually hoping to get from travelling, you can make choices that support that instead of filling your itinerary with things you think you're supposed to do.
You get to decide what counts as a good trip
If Todd and I eventually book those domes and spend an entire snowy afternoon drinking coffee, playing games, and watching the snow come down, someone else might look at that and think we'd wasted half the day. We could have driven into Saint John. We could have gone sightseeing. We could have found something interesting to do.
But that wouldn't necessarily make the trip better.
If the reason we went was to disappear from regular life for a few days and spend uninterrupted time together, then sitting around that cabin isn't time we're failing to use. It's what we went there for.
That's the part I think we sometimes forget when we're planning vacations. There isn't a correct amount of sightseeing, adventure, culture, relaxation, or anything else that turns a trip into a worthwhile one.
You don't have to make the most of every minute. You just have to know what you want those minutes to give you.
Michelle Arseneault is a certified life coach and instructional designer who loves helping women understand why life feels harder than it needs to, and what to do about it.
“I believe small, thoughtful changes usually have a bigger impact than dramatic overhauls. Around here, you'll usually find me exploring the psychology behind everyday life, creating practical tools, or asking questions that help you see things from a new angle.”
Vacations can quickly turn into another thing to accomplish. Before you fill every day with things to see and do, ask yourself what you actually want the trip to give you.