Help your adult child get better at conversation

Two young women sitting beside each other but looking away from each other. — *I feel their pain.*

One of the hardest things to watch as a parent is your child wanting connection but not quite knowing how to get there.

I've worked with parents who worried because their adult child rarely made friends, struggled to keep conversations going, or came home convinced that every social interaction had gone badly. The parents wanted to help, but they also knew that constantly pointing out every awkward moment would only make their child feel self-conscious.

If that sounds familiar, you're not alone.

The good news is that conversation is a skill. Some people pick it up naturally. Others need more practice, especially if they struggle with social anxiety, autism, ADHD, or simply didn't have many opportunities to build confidence talking with other people.

The goal isn't to turn your adult child into the loudest or funniest person in the room; it's to help them feel more comfortable connecting with other people, one conversation at a time.

Here are a few ways you can support them without making them feel like they're constantly being evaluated.

First, and most importantly, ask if they want help. You can start out by talking to them about a friend of yours who struggles with social anxiety. Explain a situation that happened because of it. If your child shows some interest, ask them if that's something they've encountered.

If they open up and admit to similar struggles, offer to help.

Model a good conversation.

When you talk with them, don't be in parent mode.

Use the same conversation etiquette you would use when speaking with a friend or someone you just met. I don't mean you can't talk about an issue. Just speak to them as you would any other adult. They learn by modelling.

Point out physical cues (discreetly).

You can create signals to help your child to pick up on body language in social situations. A cough and then a scratch on your nose might mean the person they are talking to was showing signs of boredom.

You can also use this technique while watching television. When you notice a social cue on the show you're both watching, rewind it and ask them to pay attention. Then discuss what the behaviour was and what it meant. Never do this when other people are around, though. The easiest way to get your adult child to stop listening to you is to embarrass them.

Practice turn-taking.

Have practice conversations with them and make a point of taking turns to listen, respond to what the person just said, then add something. The more you practice, the easier it gets.

Challenge social mistakes.

When you notice they say something rude or hurtful, don't embarrass them in the moment by pointing it out. Instead, write it down so you can remember what happened in detail to explain it to them later. And help them figure out how to make amends with that person.

You, or they, should also download the free Conversation Journal below. It has tips for practicing conversation techniques and a place to take notes after attempting conversation.

Great Resources:

One great way to practice is with The Art of Conversation Cards.

This is a great book for learning more about turning small talk into real conversations: Better Small Talk: Talk to Anyone, Avoid Awkwardness, Generate Deep Conversations, and Make Real Friends
This book is based on a study of how conversations work. It includes a lot of examples to follow: The Conversation Code: How to Upgrade Your Social Skills and Your Life

Michelle Arseneault is a certified life coach and instructional designer who loves helping women understand why life feels harder than it needs to, and what to do about it.

“I believe small, thoughtful changes usually have a bigger impact than dramatic overhauls. Around here, you'll usually find me exploring the psychology behind everyday life, creating practical tools, or asking questions that help you see things from a new angle.”