Trust me, I would rather have a picture of the group here too!
I didn't expect to feel proud.
When BTS announced they wouldn't be submitting Arirang for Grammy consideration this year, my first reaction was disappointment. Like millions of fans around the world, I've watched them chase that dream for years. They've spoken openly about wanting to win a Grammy, performed on the Grammy stage, and continued to push themselves as artists.
This year felt different. It felt possible.
Then I read why they made the decision.
Instead of submitting Arirang under the newly created Asian Pop category, BTS chose not to submit it at all. Their belief was simple: music should be recognized for its artistry, not separated by the language it's sung in or the region it comes from.
Whether you agree with that decision isn't really the point. What caught my attention was this: they were willing to walk away from what may have been their best chance yet to achieve a dream because it conflicted with something they believed.
My disappointment disappeared. It was replaced with respect.
Values only matter when they cost you something
I think most of us like to believe we have strong values. We tell ourselves we'd speak up if something wasn't right. We'd choose honesty over convenience. We'd never compromise our integrity.
“Anyone can live their values when it’s easy. Character shows up when those values come with a price tag.”
It's easy to believe those things when nothing is on the line. The real test comes when living your values has a cost. Maybe speaking up means risking a promotion. Maybe setting a boundary disappoints someone you love. Maybe turning down a client means less income this month. Or maybe achieving a lifelong dream requires accepting something that doesn't sit right with you. That's when values stop being words and start becoming choices.
I've coached people through moments like this more times than I can count. The question was rarely, "What's the right thing to do?" Usually, they already knew. The harder question was, "Am I willing to pay the price for doing it?"
Why it's so hard to stick to our principles
If you've ever compromised on something important and wondered, Why did I do that?, you're not alone. Psychologists have long studied something called cognitive dissonance. It's the uncomfortable feeling we experience when our actions don't line up with our beliefs. Our brains don't like that tension, so they try to resolve it.
Sometimes we change our behaviour. Other times, we quietly change the story we tell ourselves.
"It's only this once."
"Everyone else does it."
"This is just how the industry works."
"I'm too close to give up now."
Those thoughts don't make us bad people; they make us human. The challenge is recognizing them before they quietly pull us away from the person we're trying to become.
Every choice shapes your identity
One of the most surprising things I've learned as a coach is that confidence doesn't usually come first. People often think they'll feel confident and then they'll make courageous decisions.
In reality, it's often the opposite.
Every time you make a decision that aligns with your values, even when it's uncomfortable, you prove something to yourself. You become someone you can trust.
Research on values-based living has found that acting consistently with our core values is linked to greater well-being and a stronger sense of authenticity. That makes sense to me. There's a certain peace that comes from knowing you didn't have to become someone else to get where you wanted to go.
That doesn't mean life becomes easier; it means you stop arguing with yourself. That's the kind of confidence that lasts.
What BTS reminded me
As an ARMY, I still hope BTS wins a Grammy one day, and I honestly believe they deserve one, but if that day comes, I hope it's on terms they can celebrate without hesitation.
None of us knows what conversations happened behind closed doors. We don't know how difficult this decision was or what opportunities they considered before making it. What we do know is the choice they made, and that choice reminded me of something I've seen again and again in coaching.
Success has a funny way of making compromises sound reasonable: "No one will know." "It's still a win." "Don't throw away the opportunity." Sometimes those compromises are worth making, and sometimes they're not. The important part is knowing the difference because there are moments when achieving the goal isn't the greatest success. Becoming the kind of person who refuses to abandon their values is.
Before you go...
Feeling pulled in too many directions? Your values can help you find your way.
When you're clear on what matters most, decisions become easier. You spend less time second-guessing yourself, chasing other people's expectations, or wondering if you're on the right path.
The Core Values Toolkit helps you discover the values that guide your choices, so you can build a life that feels more intentional and true to who you are.
How this toolkit can help:
Discover what matters most to you
Make decisions with greater confidence
Build a life that's aligned with your values, not someone else's expectations
Why values matter
Your values influence almost every decision you make, from your career and relationships to how you spend your time and money. When your choices align with your values, life often feels more fulfilling. When they don't, it's easy to feel restless or disconnected, even if everything looks "successful" from the outside.
What is it?
The Core Values Toolkit is a guided digital resource that helps you identify your personal values and put them into practice.
Knowing your values isn't about choosing a few inspiring words from a list. It's about understanding the beliefs and priorities that shape the way you want to live, work, and make decisions.
Through practical exercises and thoughtful reflection, you'll uncover the values that are uniquely yours and learn how to use them as a compass for everyday life.
How this toolkit can help
When you know your values, life doesn't automatically become easy, but it often becomes much clearer.
This toolkit can help you:
Make decisions with more confidence and less second-guessing.
Set goals that genuinely matter to you.
Recognize when something isn't aligned with the life you want.
Feel more comfortable saying "yes" to what matters and "no" to what doesn't.
Build a stronger sense of purpose in your everyday life.
Instead of wondering what you should do, you'll have a better understanding of what feels right for you.
What's inside
Inside the toolkit, you'll:
Explore a wide range of personal values.
Reflect on the experiences that have shaped what's important to you.
Identify the values that guide your decisions.
Learn how your values influence your relationships, work, goals, and daily life.
Create simple ways to use your values when making future decisions.
By the end, you'll have more than a list of values. You'll have a practical guide you can return to whenever life feels uncertain.
Why I created it
One of the first questions I ask many coaching clients is, "What matters most to you?" It's a surprisingly difficult question to answer.
Not because people don't have values, but because they've often spent years responding to other people's expectations without stopping to ask themselves what they truly want.
This toolkit grew out of those conversations. I wanted to create a resource that helps you slow down, reflect, and uncover the values that have been there all along, even if they've been buried under busy schedules, responsibilities, or other people's opinions.
Product details
PDF that you can print.
Letter size (8.5 × 11").
Instant digital download.
Download available for 30 days after purchase.
Digital product only. No physical item will be shipped.
Frequently asked questions
What are core values?
Core values are the beliefs and priorities that influence how you make decisions, build relationships, and define success. This toolkit helps you identify the ones that matter most to you.
What if I already have an idea of my values?
That's a great starting point. The exercises in this toolkit will help you explore them more deeply and learn how to apply them in everyday situations.
Can I revisit this toolkit later?
Absolutely. Your values often stay consistent, but the way they show up in your life can change over time. Many people find it helpful to revisit the exercises during major life transitions.
Ready to make decisions with more confidence?
When you know what matters most, it becomes easier to build a life that reflects it.
Discover your values and start living with greater intention today.
You probably won't have to decide whether to walk away from Grammy consideration, but you'll almost certainly face your own version of that choice. It might happen during a difficult conversation, it might happen at work, or it might happen when no one else is watching.
When that moment comes, I hope you'll remember this: Your values don't define you when they're convenient. They define you when success is within reach, and you choose to stay true to yourself anyway.
People will debate whether BTS made the right decision. That's what happens whenever someone chooses principle over opportunity. What interests me more is the question their decision leaves the rest of us with: What would we do if success asked us to compromise something we believe?
Michelle Arseneault is a certified life coach and instructional designer who loves helping women understand why life feels harder than it needs to, and what to do about it.
“I believe small, thoughtful changes usually have a bigger impact than dramatic overhauls. Around here, you'll usually find me exploring the psychology behind everyday life, creating practical tools, or asking questions that help you see things from a new angle.”
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