Live life on your terms, not someone else’s
This guide isn’t theory. It’s shaped by years of coaching sessions, real conversations, and the practical shifts that people tested until they found what actually works.
Have you ever looked around and thought, “Wait a minute… this isn’t the life I signed up for”?
You’re doing all the right things, checking the boxes, staying responsible, and showing up. But something still feels off. Like you’re living a version of your life that was handed to you, not chosen by you.
This guide walks you through how to change that.
You’ll:
Reflect on where you’ve been living by default instead of design
Explore what intentional living actually means for you
Take real, doable steps toward shifting how your life feels
Get support for going deeper if and when you’re ready
Let’s begin.
Step 1: Reflect on how you feel about your current life
Learn what intentional living means
A brief video that explains what intentional living means.
What does intentional living mean to you?
It’s easy to fall into routines that look great on paper but feel hollow in practice. The promotions, the tidy calendar, the back-to-back obligations that leave you wondering where you went. Let’s pause and check in.
Reflection activity
Ask yourself:
Are there parts of my life that feel like a performance?
Am I making choices based on other people’s expectations, instead of what I want?
What have I been tolerating that no longer feels good for me?
Feel free to jot your answers down in a journal, save a voice note, or talk to yourself as you walk around the block. Any way you choose to do this will do just fine. If you want to go a little bit deeper, grab a copy of the Life Audit (below). It’s free and it’s eye-opening.
Evaluate your life (FREE download)
The Life Audit workbook is designed to help you take a close look at 12 critical life areas and figure out how happy you are in each area. Get clear on where you need to focus your attention so you can make intentional choices and improve your life.
FAQs from clients
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A: Unlocking your potential means identifying and using your unique strengths, values, and life experiences to build a life that feels aligned. It’s not about being perfect or impressing others, it’s about feeling like you’re living on purpose, not on autopilot.
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A: Nope. You just need to start paying attention to what energizes you, excites you, and feels like it matters. Purpose often reveals itself through action, not the other way around.
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A: That’s a sign you’ve been stuck in survival mode for too long, not that you’re broken. Give yourself space to explore, play, and try things with no pressure to “figure it all out.” Your passions will start to surface when you stop demanding they be productive or impressive.
Read articles that will help you reflect on different areas of your life
Step 2: Take action and start living intentionally
Borrowed values vs. chosen values
When you live by someone else’s expectations, you’re usually operating from borrowed values: things you were taught to prioritize, but never actually chose.
You might have inherited many of your beliefs, such as:
“Success means a steady job with benefits.”
“Good parents sacrifice everything.”
“Don’t rock the boat. Keep the peace.”
But what if your actual values are creativity, autonomy, and honesty? Living on your terms means aligning your choices with your values, not the ones that were handed to you during your upbringing.
Take this mini action
Write down three things you were taught to value.
Now write down three things you actually care about, when no one’s watching.
Figure out the gap(s).
Default mode vs. intentional mode
Most people aren’t deliberately living by someone else’s rules. They’re just in default mode. Here’s what that looks like:
Saying yes before you’ve checked in with yourself
Making decisions based on guilt or obligation
Feeling like you’re “supposed to” do things you resent
Switching to intentional mode means pausing long enough to ask yourself:
Do I want this?
Does this line up with what matters to me?
Am I doing this to be liked, or because it feels right to me?
Take this mini action
The next time you’re about to agree to something, try this:
Say, “Let me get back to you on that.”
Even if you plan to say yes, practice giving yourself space to check your motive.
The cost of avoiding discomfort
Sometimes we follow someone else’s script because it keeps the peace. But here’s the tradeoff: Short-term ease often leads to long-term resentment.
Living life on your terms will sometimes create discomfort:
Someone might disapprove
You might disappoint an old version of yourself
You’ll have to choose honesty over approval
But discomfort isn’t a sign you’re doing something wrong; it’s often a sign you’re finally doing it differently.
Reflection activity
Ask yourself these questions:
What’s one thing you’ve been avoiding out of fear it might upset someone?
What would happen if you chose to do it anyway?
Try one small shift
You don’t need a five-year plan. Just try something this week that feels right to you.
Try one (or all) of these:
Say no to one thing that doesn’t serve you, even if it’s just out loud to yourself.
Block off one hour labeled My Time. Use it however you want.
Write down three things you want more of in your life. Pick one and take a small action toward it.
Read articles that will help you start to take action
Step 3: Go deeper with a guided workbook
Design a life that reflects your values, needs, and desires.
Design Your Dream Life Workbook
Once you’ve reflected and made a few small shifts, you might find yourself wanting to be more intentional with other areas of your life.
That’s where the Design Your Dream Life Workbook comes in. It’s designed to walk you through the process of clarifying what’s important to you and how you want to live, and then it helps you to build a plan to move toward that life.
This workbook helps you:
Define what “your best life” looks like without other people’s voices in your head
Identify what you need more (and less) of in your life
Create an intentional plan, starting with where you are now
It’s less expensive than working one-on-one with a life coach and way more helpful than just hoping things will change on their own.
If you’re ready to get serious about designing a life that reflects your values and desires, you’ll appreciate what this interactive/printable workbook has to offer.